Dog Farts vs Human Farts

Dog Farts vs Human Farts

C’mon anyone that owns dogs has had to deal with these.  Anyone who’s been around dogs has probably been unpleasantly surprised by a bout of dog fart at some point.  Dog Fart is no laughing matter.  They are some serious room clearing weapons.  If they found a way to condense them and bottle them,  I’m pretty sure they’d be more effective than mace and tear gas.

Now human farts on the other hand,  they can be really bad and room clearing, but they are not consistent like dog farts.  Humans consume a much wider variety of food than dogs.  Most dogs consume a regular amount of kibble with treats and other goodies mixed in throughout the day.  Therefore human farts have more variability than dog farts.  One thing that puzzles me though, is even when the dogs get into something they’re not supposed to, their farts still smell ridiculously awful.

Now I have a theory about dog fart that some of you may reject, but I’m gunna throw it out there anyway.  I believe that dog farts are directional.  Like little pungent gas arrows that dissipate as they move along their trajectory through the air.  Human farts are not like this.  They are more of like a cloud.  Human gas tends to fill up the room before it fades away, but dogs have a  way of just shooting that poison right at you, and it doesn’t get better until you walk away from the fart path.

The only reason I know this is because it happened last week.  My mom and I were sitting on one side of the room, with the deadly end of a Yuki facing us.  My sister and her husband on the opposite side of the room, with her sharp potentially flesh ripping fangs pointed toward them (remember fangs capable of ripping flesh and crushing bone< fart end of a dog on the deadly scale).  Then the missile fired away.  My mom and I were left gasping for air as the axis of evil (My sister’s dog Chloe is a German Shepherd from Germany, and I’m pretty sure she was the mastermind of the operation) on the other side just kept watching TV like nothing occurred.

So there you have it.  Dog Farts are much more dangerous than Human Farts.  They are a directional fart though, and escaping their expansion range is possible.  On the other hand, Human farts are much less predictable when it comes to scent and grandeur, but they do have the ability to fill up a room and linger unlike the dog fart.

 

 

(None of this is scientific)

2 thoughts on “Dog Farts vs Human Farts

  1. I imagine the reason why dog farts are “directional” is because they’re not wearing underwear and pants to store and slowly release flatulence. Otherwise they would be exactly as directional as a humans.

    1. I like your logic Bob. So we’re getting a more potent, direct expulsion of gas… rather that a speed controlled, muffled version…. Good point.

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